Hey blogfriends.. I don't know if you're still out there.. but HELLOOOO.. :)
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It's a strange thing.
I tend speak about myself in the plural now, as "myself" is wrapped up and tightly knotted in someone else (who used to be, literally, wrapped up in me).
We're sort of developing patterns (which will fall away to other patterns - - maybe), and I know when to feel anxious i.e. anytime the house is left and we're to be in a single place for more than 10 minutes.
Sleep is a mystery: last night was a run of 4 (?!) hours, then 2ish, then 30 minutes, 30 minutes. This, by many standards, is luxurious. Two nights ago, sleep was very sparse and 3 p.m. hit me at semitruck speeds.
But - - this isn't my normalnormal. My normalnormal is/was running around, working, teaching, playing with people, stopping by random donut shops - - and I could, by many many accounts, still do.
But I can't. I want to breastfeed. I need to heal. He needs time to get bigger.
One scheduled "event" on the calendar is intimidating. Kiddo's schedule isn't, and right now, maybe shouldn't be, one. We don't do much, but someone I don't have the time (or focus/concentration) to finish assignment, answer emails, do the things that signify normalnormal. We're awake at 5 a.m., and suddenly it's 7 p.m. and the day's going to sleep and we should too. And I'm so damned lucky to be able to have the flexibility to do that.
Generally speaking, new dads get to head back to the trenches earlier than new moms (except for the moms who HAVE to head back to the trenches and good god, YOU ARE AMAZING.)
For me, the trenches I miss are at a certain awesome improv theater located in the LynLake region, and I currently don't know if I'm even currently capable of staying up for a 8 p.m. show. Would that wreck me for the next day? I DON'T KNOW.
(I also don't want improv or performing or normal to slip away or to become scary. Maybe it's good to let it become scary for a while?)
But - - it's what I'd like. That piece of the new normal. Others have accomplished it! It's not as scary as one thinks! I'm currently covered in breastmilk! And it's all talk until it actually happens. Here's to it.
Onward. :)
***************
It's a strange thing.
I tend speak about myself in the plural now, as "myself" is wrapped up and tightly knotted in someone else (who used to be, literally, wrapped up in me).
We're sort of developing patterns (which will fall away to other patterns - - maybe), and I know when to feel anxious i.e. anytime the house is left and we're to be in a single place for more than 10 minutes.
Sleep is a mystery: last night was a run of 4 (?!) hours, then 2ish, then 30 minutes, 30 minutes. This, by many standards, is luxurious. Two nights ago, sleep was very sparse and 3 p.m. hit me at semitruck speeds.
But - - this isn't my normalnormal. My normalnormal is/was running around, working, teaching, playing with people, stopping by random donut shops - - and I could, by many many accounts, still do.
But I can't. I want to breastfeed. I need to heal. He needs time to get bigger.
One scheduled "event" on the calendar is intimidating. Kiddo's schedule isn't, and right now, maybe shouldn't be, one. We don't do much, but someone I don't have the time (or focus/concentration) to finish assignment, answer emails, do the things that signify normalnormal. We're awake at 5 a.m., and suddenly it's 7 p.m. and the day's going to sleep and we should too. And I'm so damned lucky to be able to have the flexibility to do that.
Generally speaking, new dads get to head back to the trenches earlier than new moms (except for the moms who HAVE to head back to the trenches and good god, YOU ARE AMAZING.)
For me, the trenches I miss are at a certain awesome improv theater located in the LynLake region, and I currently don't know if I'm even currently capable of staying up for a 8 p.m. show. Would that wreck me for the next day? I DON'T KNOW.
(I also don't want improv or performing or normal to slip away or to become scary. Maybe it's good to let it become scary for a while?)
But - - it's what I'd like. That piece of the new normal. Others have accomplished it! It's not as scary as one thinks! I'm currently covered in breastmilk! And it's all talk until it actually happens. Here's to it.
Onward. :)
