At first I was happy, and then I was sad..

I was walking out of Target, and a kid (if 20something can qualify as kid) said randomly to me:

"You're smiling. It's nice to see someone smiling. It's not something people do in the Cities. I thought it was a West Coast thing."

And I felt so lucky, cause I didn't know I was doing that.

And I asked, "How's your day?" because I'm awkward as sin.

And then I thanked him, and told him that he had made my day by saying that.

And I was all happy for the smiling, as I walked to my tiny car. That a stranger had talked to me, and said nice things.

And then I became SAD.

As - - smiling is not the norm here. In public, not what you do.

It's always sort of been one of my fussy bits about Minneapolis.

It might be a 'big city' thing, but I think it's more of a Northern-Scandinavian-thing, as Minneapolis ISN'T that big.

I'd like to be able to be smiley in public for no good reason. And if I'm doing it subconsciously, I won't try and stop. For-the-sake-of-the-Children!!, I won't try and stop.

After he stopped me, I immediately thought of moving to California. Newly romanticized California. ("Can people smile in California? There's sun and beach and terrible public school and funny apartments with swimming pools. Maybe it's time to move there! For-the-sake-of-the-Children!!")

And then I felt intrenched and blessed. I'm so lucky to know everyone I know here in Minneapolis, and I've laughed more here than anyplace in my life.

And when there's no reason to smile except for being lucky enough to have the cash to purchase what I need to purchase and it's really beautiful out, I'll keep smiling.

Onward. 

Waving in cars with boys

I got waved at today. 

I don't think they were making fun of me. 

(As that's my natural tendency.. to think, if a stranger is trying to get my attention, it is probably to make fun of me... it's absolutely leftover public school leftovers). 

They gently honked (twice), and then waved. 

And then I waved back. And then waved goodbye when the light changed.

It was really really nice. 

Thank you, random 20-30something guys in black hoodies and a white tiny car. 

You made me smile, feel nice, and it was good. (even if your intention was something different - - I don't think that it was - - it was just nice for me). Thank you. :) 

ANGRY RANT DAY

It seems, if I can start my day off with an angry rant vs. meditating on the positive..

I was going to post a "hey, knock off the anger" feel good sort of thing.. and then I started to get angry. And hypocritical. And the entire point of said post FAILED. 

(All this from a Jezebel.com article on evolutionary psychology. Which sounds FANCY! But really just gave way to a comment war that sounded something like "MISOGYNY IS EVERYWHERE!" vs. "SCIENCE IS KING!!!")

With no more context than that...

What I Believe:
 - Science is squishy. What we've found out today will either be thrown to the ground or possibly improved upon tomorrow. To hold currently to what's in our text books as THE TRUTH is not, to me, scientific. Like faith, science gets to be questioned constantly. To be more specific, it SHOULD be questioned constantly. Or else, it lands in the realm of unwavering belief and PEOPLE. And people have a way of messing things up. 

Re-evaluation is key.

(Using a faith-based example, I think the Bible recommends not eating shellfish. We've re-evaluated that 'belief'. Good job. Please get to work on the more prohibitive biblical 'laws' that some folks seem to be clinging too or twisting. I can do without a lobster roll. Civil rights for all would be bitchin'.)

 - Science is only as good as the filters it travels through i.e. people. Again, people have a way of messing things up.

We can measure things forever. It's the interpretation of those measurements that runs into trouble. And also where we get into attachment and then belief.

If someone believes that one person evolved into something weaker or dumber or lower than another because "SCIENCE HAS PROVED IT!" - - science don't prove anything. Science makes assumptions and tests them. Science has few 'laws', and many theories. And that's good. 

Science (and medicine) has a fairly gross history of misogyny and racism. The 20th century - - for all of the incredible incredible advancements that were made, all the lives that were saved, all the discoveries - - was a pretty terrible time for certain practices. 

Science is aces, but people can't be trusted.

Also, "science" is sometimes scary to people who don't see themselves as 'scientists'. And the people who claim to understand, who sometimes twist it for their own particular agendas, get to yell even louder. A similar thing happens with policy and politics. Agh.

(This is why I love science museums. Being cool with not understanding. Learning more. Getting curious and engaged. Good stuff! Science is for everyone! AGHH!!!)

 - Attachment is a bitch. Attaching yourself to a particular anything is dangerous. (I am rather attached to the idea that birds are non-avian dinosaurs. Because that's what Jack Horner told me, and he's basically dino-prophet to me. And when he says these things, I feel amazing and affirmed in my belief. Plus, constantly SURROUNDED BY TINY DINOSAURS. Should I drop this attachment? YES. Because not only is it more scientific of me, dropping it opens up even more awesome possibilities.)

Would I love for everyone, including myself, to get a little more Buddhist, and work on stripping away  attachment? Would I love everything to be happily and lovingly questioned? Yeah. I think that'd be excellent. However, am I thinking of tiny dinosaurs right now? Yes.

Finally...
 - Don't read the comments. Because the comments will inspire you to write a really long blog post.

It's disheartening, sad and familiar. "The internet can be a fantastic place or Hell on earth." This woman said that, after receiving DEATH THREATS for standing up for a friend of her's. (This friend of her's writes for a television show. WTF.)

We're incredibly connected, and so much of that connection is used for hardcore porn (which makes sense, and is totally another really long blog post) or, seemingly, for trolling. Anytime something is shared that's positive, it feels like a revelation.

Would I dig on some compassion and kindness? Do I love that the word "kind" seems to be creeping it's way into our vocabulary? Yes. Yesyesyes. 

And so, as a chaser, let's all watch a clip from "Frankenweenie.". Better? At least a little better? Yeah. 

Doing things I told myself I wouldn't do

My boss is very smart.

(I have many bosses. They are all very smart. But this one is particularly blunt.)

She's running a class with a ridiculously low number of kids in it.

I told her I'd rather cancel the class. (I remember even telling myself not to take the class ever again with that small of a number)

She said she'd rather run it.

I understand why (consistency, doing what the catalog says you're doing, etc.)

She noted that I've, over the last year or so, given up classes each quarter. Usually for another gig.

She's questioning whether I want to be with the organization any more.

It's a really good question.

I didn't realize.

I tend to dread the classes.

But enjoy them while I'm there.

I like working at the location.

I like my boss.

And the rate is good.

So what's the problem? Why the flakiness?

I don't like that she's willing to run a class with three.

I don't like that she's impossible to talk to over the phone. (She's a little busy.)

After seven years of working for an organization (which is, currently, the most teacher-supportive it's ever been), it's a strange thing to question and possibly re-evaluate.

What's the life expectancy on a job?