Candy Crush / Bejeweled / Time Suck Guilt Juice

I have decided that playing my little phone game (I don't Candy Crush. I have no idea what Candy Crush is. I play Bejeweled. Alas, was there such a time suck?) is akin, to me, to drinking.

Instead of watching my beautiful child's development and how he's basically managed to twist around on his own (this shit is amazing), I played Bejeweled while in the same room as him. It occupies the same indulgent, sometimes guilt, space. And I don't have access to a whiskey sour. If I had a whiskey sour, I would probably be guilty of drinking while in the same room as my beautiful son, as he discovers the joy of cartoon owls.

I could also be using these Bejeweled moments to WRITE or to get decent at the ukulele or blog or call my mom. But my mom is asleep, my ukulele is thousands of miles away, and I WILL write some today, goddammit. I will also watch my beautiful child. And play some Bejeweled.

On my mind:
 - http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
 - http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/11/hipsters_on_food_stamps.html

By the end of the year, I hope to take a hip hop dance class. It could be a repetition of two years ago's tap class, but.. NO MATTER!

Ah.. now my child has stuck his foot through the bars of the crib and appears stuck.

Onward.


  

Non-Obligatory Food Post: Salt and Lemon Juice

What I have learned over the last two years: many many things are improved with lemon juice and salt. You might have some fancy ingredient in said something (like tahini or fish sauce), but as long as you add lemon juice and salt, you might look like a genius.

*denotes fancy ingredient, which is often skippable. Take that.

Hummus!
 - Chickpeas
 - Lots of garlic
 - A little bit of tahini*
 - Lemon Juice!
 - Salt!

Potato Salad!
 - Boiled potatoes
 - Boiled eggs
 - Chopped up whatever else is in the refrigerator
 - Mayo
 - Mustard (Dijon*)
 - Raisins*
 - Pepper if you like
 - LEMON JUICE!
 - SALT!

Chicken
 - Chicken
 - LEMON JUICE!
 - SALT!

Zucchini* Carrot salad
 - Carrots
 - Zucchini*
 - Olive oil
 - LEMON JUICE!
 - SALT!

Eggplant/Asparagus/Brussel Sprouts*
 - Eggplant/Asparagus/Brussel Sprouts*
 - LEMON JUICE!
 - SALT!

Fish* .. like.. all fish
 - Fish*
 - LEMON JUICE!
 - SALT!

Pasta with butter

 - Pasta

 - Butter

 - LEMON JUICE!
 - SALT!

 - Parmesan cheese*

Eggs (I haven't tried it but why not!?)
 - Eggs
 - Butter
 - LEMON JUICE!
 - SALT! 

Your mom
 - Your mom
 - LEMON JUICE!
 - SALT!
(your mom = not fancy.)
(Now I feel bad. Your mom is lovely. Please call her.)

.. You see.

Excuse me, is this a food blog? 

The imaginary dinner party in my head proclaims things like, "Oh, how summery!" and "You cook so light!" and again, you will feel like a mad genius. This imaginary dinner party all are wearing hats,  mustaches, and bustles. 

I'm pretty sure it's all about the acid. And I'm pretty sure that this acid could be replaced with just about anything (white wine! vinegar! Win!), but lemon juice gets top billing for the pure food blogginess of it all. You're welcome.

Onward. 

Non-obligatory food post: Blau Milch

Back in 1996, for all the stupid reasons, I was studying abroad (hi-oooh) in East Berlin. In the winter. For all the stupid reasons. (Did I speak German? NO. Did I have any previous interest or knowledge in Germany except for being partially of German descent and I had watched "The World at War" in History class? NO. Sometimes it is better to jump into these things blind. And stupid.)

I lived with an incredibly cheap and angry hausfrau, her nice and removed husband, and her beautiful, PERFECT ENGLISH SPEAKING and racist daughter. This daughter introduced me to my one German friend: Arne. Arne was awesome, and we would go on adventures. And he took me to BlaumilchKanals.

I remember BlaumilchKanals because:

a) It's excellent name
b) I think it was the place that had the wall of Barbies in jars. Thank you, art scene of mid-90s Berlin.
c) It served Blau Milch!!!

Blau Milch (blue milk) is milk with blue berries and blueberry syrup mixed in it. And it was new and weird and delicious, and I felt badass next to the barbies. (90s!)

Tonight, I had Red White and Blau Milch.. Do you like milk? Do you like strawberries and cream? Do you like America (not this week, but the general concept when it sometimes works and isn't full of stupid)? Then you will like this!

 - Take berries (I used blueberries and strawberries). Throw them into your glass.
 - Sprinkle sugar on top. (If you are a super cuisine badass, you have already rolled your eyes at me, as you've cooked up a simple syrup on your stove top. In fact, you even added berries to your simple syrup. It's stupidly delicious. You've already put your simple berry syrup in your glass and are feeling superior. Good.)
 - Muddle the berries in the glass. (i.e. take the end of your potato masher and smash them for about a minute.)
 - Pour on the milk.
 - Drink. And then take a spoon to eat your berries with.

I am putting this picture here so you believe that this is a food blog. 

Delightful. And easy to boozify! (i.e. add some Baileys.)

Feeling the urge to blather about food more.. Onward!