So much self improvement!

That's right! I bought a compost bin, went to the gym, and saw my shrink/counselor. I will be self-improved!

All of this self-improvement was quickly tempered by a trip to Dairy Queen. Done and done.

Yesterday, I gave blood. If there's anything that will give you the same moral, civic, sometimes uppity thrill as voting, it's giving blood. It's cheaper than donating to public radio! But with cookies! Plus, they give you the ultimate sign of moral superiority: a sticker. See my sticker, tremble with civic guilt..!

The wonderful thing was that I got to see my two favorite nurses. They are absolutely wonderful and lovely. And might come see Overheard tomorrow..!

Things learned and done today:

- Veterans of Foreign Wars make amazing tacos. My friends Sue and Josh were nice enough to guide me to Winners on the west side of St. Paul, where veterans of foreign wars not only make these beautiful things (they even fried the shells! The salsa was homemade!), but also bring them out to you, and then buy candy bars from their grandkids.

- Performed at Sample Night Live with a group of Improvisers performing "The Quest" - - a Micheal Gellman inspired improv form. We had squirrels and pooping unicorns. For seven minutes, it was seven minutes of fun.

- A string quarter also performed a little bit of "Stairway to Heaven" and there were some lovely familiar faces doing funny things (Hi Joe! Hi Dave!). Thanks, Sample Night!

- My dog might actually be seven years old. A post card from his old old vet (pre-me, in the Pickles timeline) hinted at that.. Who knew?

There was some sort of theme I was going to approach and write about, but it all got washed away.

A gentleman named Vladimir is repairing my bass.

Onward.

Hi

Without going into too much explanation, I've been hiding. But I'm coming back. As I miss you. Here comes babbling!

Note #1
I splitting a CSA share, which means, every two weeks, a box of lonely vegetables will be waiting for me!

The funny and lovely thing about CSA's is that you don't know what you're going to get. It's like a raw Farmers' Market bento box.. This week I'm getting:

- Ramps! What the hell are ramps?! In the onion and garlic family. Cool. People who like ramps REALLY like ramps.

- French Breakfast Radishs. Ahh.. Of course. The breakfast radish, are otherwise know as the Flambo radish, which is possibly the best thing ever.

- Dogwood or willow. I think this means I get pretty flowers. Or possibly a tree.

I'm also receiving a number of things that are "overwintered". This is an incredibly useful adjective, especially given where I live. This year, most of us have been overwintered.

Note #2
I did a play by a dead playwright! This rarely happens. But the play was lovely (and depressing.. It was "All My Sons" by Arthur Miller, as opposed to "My 3 Sons" which one poor gentleman had actually come to see.)

- I got to play the horrible horrible neighbor. People didn't like me. They wanted to like me (as St. Cloud audiences are basically wonderful and supportive), but then I said really mean things. Which is kind of the arc of the play too. Nice people, nice situation on the surface, and then everything goes to shit. Ah.

- As all of the action take place in a backyard, the theater owners decided to lay sod on the stage. It was impressive! And after two weekends, it was full of gnats. Tricky! Kind of gross! And oddly delightful. The play takes place in August, and by god, we had gnats. Flying into people mouths and getting into the grape drinks. Probably laying eggs in curtains, hanging out on the plastic shrubbery. Gross and kind of funny. Don't mess with nature, she'll bring gnats.

Note #3
I get to go see my sister in a couple of days, on her adopted turf of Tempe, AZ*. I'm going to hang out, eat at El Pollo Supremo, and do her taxes. It's already in the 90's down there. I will sweat, look at graduate student art, and maybe clean her apartment.

Thanks for the babble-listening.

Onward.

*Last time I was in AZ, the NBL All Star Game was in Phoenix. My mom and I stayed at a hoochie-filled Hilton in Scottsdale. It was really really gross. Rarely do I hear mom wonder "how many do you think are prostitutes?" Starf*&ers**, in the very least. Cleavage and other parts no daughter wants her mom to see. Ick poo.

**If I ever use the term "starf*&er, you can smell the poser radiate off of me. But I also feel a little like Tori Amos, circa "Boys for Pele"***. Not necessarily a win win, but there it is.

***Damn fine album.

So that happened..

I got bitchslapped by my stairs last night.

Every night, my dog wakes me up at either 3 a.m. or 5 a.m. to be asked to be let out.. This is a natural thing for a dog owner, unless you are one of those amazing superstars that crate-trained your puppies. You, friends, are incredible.

I live in a old house with wooden floors and stairs. I had, just last week, had a talk with my friend Matt regarding the slipperiness of stairs.

As far as I can tell, I first slipped on my heel, scraping it, then landed on my tailbone, scraping it and propelling me forward, to scrape up my chest, neck and thunk an amazing thunk into and out of my forehead.

I got up from this, let the dog out, and then promptly passed out in the kitchen, blood pooling and running down the basement stairs.

It sounds hideous, but that's exactly what happened.

I woke up in said pool to Pickles barking outside, wondering where I was and why something hurt. And then promptly began to cry.

Went upstairs, washed off my face, crying. I mostly wanted more sleep, I did not want to see this far into my skin (the skin had separated and was that my skull?), I was in shock. I began to plan and plan (I had a shoot at 9:30 a.m.), crying and crying.. It was the best response I could muster - - maybe as I've been crying so much the last couple weeks, maybe because shock is shock, maybe because it was the best and only response. I put on clothes and drove myself to hospital, holding a paper towel to my head and sobbing.

I've been reading "The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins, which is so damnedly good and jawdroppingly violent. It's like watching a newsreport, but here we love these characters so much. (sort of the same story as "Battle Royale" - - read both!) I kept thinking about the main character, and her last injury I had just read (whip to face!), and continued to cry and cry.

It's scary to black out. It's scary to have life happen to you. (as the doctor said, it's just life) I got hurt, but it could have been so much worse. And that's probably the scariest.

I was not drunk, I was not hungover, I fell down the stairs, the most cliche' of all injuries, and the hospital staff believed me. Comedically speaking, they shouldn't have. But they did.

Going to the hospital felt like going to a salon. This is beyond my means, you people are paid to do this, please take care of me.

And that's what happened! I wore a hospital gown, they gave me pre-warmed blankets, they asked me what day it was, they popped me full of tetanus shot, they gave me a CT scan and looked at my brain. They wheeled me around on a gurney, which weirdly unexpected. I was with it enough not too laugh at the orderly's (from Crystal, MN) Iowa joke, which caused him to backpedal ("Iowa's not so bad.") They were awesome and professional and called me hon. Usually, someone has to travel at least 500 miles south to be called 'hon' by strangers. Not here.

It's all rapidly becoming all dreamlike. My doctor was awesome. Everyone, including himself, was very impressed with his stitches, of which I have seven.

They let me sleep under bright bright lights, only to be woken by someone screaming "OWOWOWOWWOWWOW! I don't want it in my head!!!" a couple doors down. Emergency rooms.

I drove myself home (which was also stupid, but.. see shoot at 9:30 a.m.), kind of slept for a hour, got up, ironed, did the shoot, and went back home to sleep until the water meter man arrived (he was supposed to arrive next Tuesday).

Thankful things: I'm okay! No need to call or check on me. I have awesome Frankenstein stitches and my head hurts, but I'm okay! The cut is under my bangs, so I could do the shoot this morning. (What if it had been my eye or my cheek? Vanity plays a part, and so does makin' the cash... Not that it should matter AT ALL, but it would have mattered Monday morning..) I'm going to have a scar on my right forehead, but it's not going to be "too bad". I can't see what might have been my skull anymore, and for that, I am incredibly grateful.

Lesson #3456: Wake up your roommate and have her drive you to the hospital. This way, you won't get the shocked look of "You drove yourself?" from the hospital staff. Also, your roommate won't be surprised or creeped out when she wakes to blood seemingly everywhere.

Lesson #2225: Time to put runners on the stairs! We must prepare our living places for us. I feel as though I'm ready to toddler-proof the house, but I'm the toddler. I've realized that I cannot and shouldn't live in this house as an old person. I didn't see myself doing that, but.. it's just a affirmation.

When I'm old, I might live in something all short, cute and midcentury, with barely any stairs to trip over. I will have a living room-kitchen-dining-room area, a sunroom with windows, and two small bedrooms, maybe an office. It will be separated enough from the neighbors, that I can outside in my yard or porch and not have to explain my presence. It will in a nice enough area, that I can sleep with my windows open. My dog and cat will shed everywhere and want to destroy the squirrels we see.

This is a lovely dream, and even as I love and adore my house, I like this dream too.

I'm really really tired.

Onward.

I ain't puttin' nuthin'..

This blog will be all about what I've consumed today. It was, very luckily, a day of bargains.

- I ate 3/4's of a free bagel (shared with the beautiful Rita) at 9:30 a.m. improv rehearsal today. (The bagel was from Panera. Seriously.) And then I stole some wi-fi.

- Sunshine! Sunshine is free.

- I went to the gym - - which does cost. However, I got to see a Beyonce' and Janet Jackson videos while there for free, and music videos are either horrid or fascinating. (i.e. anything by the artist Jesse James stinks of dirty hoo. Beyonce videos are cool. Janet Jackson videos haven't changed in 25 years.)

- I bought almonds and gum. Not free. But really good to have in the car.

- I went to Opitz and got a supposedly $384 dress for $1. Because it was missing a zipper pull. Holy crap!

The psychology of this dress making it to the $1 bin is kinda fascinating. How much does the lack of a small, plastic, replaceable bit depreciate something? Weird. (Granted, if I had $384 to spend on a dress, I'd get the one with the zipper pull. But.. indeed.)

- Visited Hannah at work. Hannah works at the Smitten Kitten, which is a store. However, I didn't buy anything and instead got laughs, stories and hugs. And I might join a book club.

- I went to second improv rehearsal, which don't cost nuthin'. And we learned together.

- I went to Indian with friend Melanie, and shoveled 3x the amount of food I normally eat for dinner into my gullet. Because, supposedly, it was a serving. It was served, in a beautiful platter with tv dinner style compartments, as a serving. And Melanie and I were on a tear. And OHMYGOD it was sooo good. It was stupid good. It tasted like awesome and, afterwards, felt painfully like Thanksgiving. And it cost $15 each. Ridiculous.

I can't do that again any time soon. But.. I sure want to. Thank you, Gandi Mahal!!

- Melanie and I talked about the books we loved during our childhood. Talk is free! (However, how much our parents spent on Weekly Reader or Troll Book orders.. who knows)

- I went for a walk, to try and feel human again, instead of feeling like some Indian eating black hole. Walks are free.

- I went to Improv A Go Go and spent $1 to laugh and laugh. $1!

Troy claiming to be like GizmoDuck shouldn't have tickled me that much. But it did.

There was much cheap or free today. Very lucky.

Tomorrow is about working, as is almost every other day this week. But that's okay. There's much cheap or free to be grateful for.

Onward.

P.S. Saw the Bread and Puppet Theater last night, which, is all about the free and the cheap. Goodness, yes. Funny, talented, fucking way too hip people. Nerds! The making of the plays with puppets shouldn't be cool, but it's really cool. Garbage bags were birds, old table cloths were mountains.. AND, the best ostriches EVER, along with the best and nastiest devil too.

Puppets let you say things and tell stories you couldn't do with just you. It's like cartoons.

And then they give you bread with garlic, which hangs out in your mouth and your nose, as you process what you just saw. Did you like it, did you not. The bread and garlic and thoughts were for free, even if you paid those serving it to do what they did. As you should.

"Sheep, like clouds, escaped through the cracks in heaven."

Puppet shows DO need good audiences..

It was also wonderful to watch a group of multi-talented generalists perform together. Good.

P.S.S. Inside of Gandi Mahal, there is a play area for kids, which rules. They had all these plastic toys, including an Elmo speak and say, laid on polished wooden shelves. There was a moment of cognitive dissonance, as I had seen plastic toys on polished wooden shelves just before. Ah yes.. all of the vibrators and dildos at the Kitten. Brain feels weird for a moment, and shakes it off quick.

Lake runnin'!

Yes! For St. Patrick's Day, I (kinda) ran around the lake FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR! Yes. Just like my Irish ancestors would have. There's a lake, let's use what precious energy we have, and spend it running around it. And then pray for forgiveness.

My Irish ancestors were, I assume, pretty awesome and probably pretty catholic. I'm lucky to be here, alive, existing, American, all of it - - and nothing gets what strained Irish (?) pride I have up like downtown St. Paul in the afternoon on St. Patrick's Day.

I love the idea of being Irish. I can't wait to go across to visit and see all the green, and maybe some sheep. But.. you bunch of drunkie fakers. So much grossness. I'm sure there's fun there too, but I can't find it through all shirts bought at Target and plastic cups.

My great grandma Jeffries would certainly not have approved.

That being said, maybe it would have helped if I had been drinking too. But it was 12:30 p.m. in the afternoon, and the rest of the day was still waiting.

I don't think that this sort of Mardi Gras was a part of Irish culture. Was it? I say here here and rah rah to Mardi Gras and Carneval and all the rest. (They're awesome traditions! You crazy Catholics! Holy crap!)

But St. Patrick's Day in Minnesota feels so.. weird. Perhaps I needed to hear more plaintive, heart broken singing with fiddles. Perhaps less Coors Lite and more Jameson. Perhaps it's that my completely stereotypical and constructed image of this culture does not fit this other completely stereotypical and constructed image of the "culture". Maybe it's just all the Minnesotan nordic drunkies bein' dumb (Didn't the vikings come kidnap a bunch of Irish as slaves and found Iceland? yes they did!). Maybe I'm just gettin' old.

Truth: If you're a lady over 75 covered in shamrocks, you're probably adorable. If you're a guy under 25 covered in shamrocks, you might be a douche.

Driving home, looked over to see guys openly drinking while driving on the freeway out of clear plastic cups. AGGGHHHH... They were from Ohio. (Ohio, we're still cool.)

Today's scheduled to be a long day. But full of good stuff. Also, I won't be wearing green, as the Pinching Threat Level has dropped, ironically, from orange (curse the Dutch!) to green (erin go bragh).

(There's still sunshine! Even if it snows tomorrow, please enjoy this today!)

Onward.

The skin gets tired...

This blog ain't about anything at all. But I needed a pick me up, so I shall write to you, friends.

Damn, the animals are needy this morning. Sebastian (the cat) promptly wakes me up at 8:15 a.m. every morning. If I don't get up, there is plaintive meow-related hell-to-pay. Perhaps some finger-nibbling. This morning was filled with plaintive I'm-obviously-in-a-lot-of-soul-pain meowing from down the hall. (you know.. so I have to get up)

Pickles (the dog) asks to either be pet, or let out, by scratching at me.

Thank goodness that they are both under 20 lbs, for if they were Great Dane or small Mountain Cat sized, I'd be bleeding and beaten.

Spring in MN is the season of poop. The poop lies hidden underneath the snow, sleeping, for months - - now it is everywhere. Poop wants to get inside the house, to join it's friends in the litterbox. You have to Gene Kelly dance from the garage to the house. Poop.

Things:

- Saw Pocohontas County at the 331 with dear friends Josh & Sue last night. I am not the world's biggest bluegrass fan, but sweet christ, they're adorable. Four or so young guys, and one man, probably in his 70's. Certainly in a cowboy hat. What's their story? Did the young guys discover the old guy and ask him to teach them the ways of old timey music, or did the old guy descend from the heavens and pass them each a fiddle, banjo and stand up bass?

Snark moment: Despite my rahrah of this band, do tribal tattoo's go with banjo pickin'? The cool and hip part of me says "of course!". The grumpy and old part of me thinks it looks dumb, and accuses banjo-poser-ing, that you're abusing the dork-coolness of the instrument. Because you might have gotten the tattoos before you got the banjo. Because you should, in my mind, be secretly playing a didgeridoo instead.

But I'm also a hater, and dude could play the banjo pretty damn well. See, you can have big cuffy arm tattoo's and play the banjo. Just like you can wear a bonnet and know how to work a chainsaw. The world has room for all of this.

See, I am fully of hate-y judgement - - you kids these days! I will happily go see them again, unless they find this blog, and kick me out.

- Saw "Green Zone" with Josh & Sue too, as Sue wanted to see some big 'splosion movie. There was MUCH 'splosion! Much grainy 'splosion.

Spoiler:

a) Greg Kineer started the Iraq war.
b) Matt Damon let the truth be known.
c) If you talk in sound clips, it's a war movie.
d) The asshole Special Forces guy looked like Bono! Could this have been ironic?

(oh.. It's Jason Isaacs with a handlebar. Lucius Malfoy with dark hair. hrm. Never mind. That's two Harry Potter actors in this film, the other being the excellent Brendan Gleeson. Holy crap - - Matt Damon is Harry Potter! Greg Kinneer is Voldemort! .. now the film makes sense. Got it.)

That was my Monday. I am very lucky. I also (kinda) ran around a lake! W00t! First (kinda) lake running of the season.

Soon, trips to St. Cloud to perform some heavy Arthur Miller will be happening. But first, there's 2nd and 3rd graders to wrangle, and pray that their parents are cool. (Which they are, admittedly). Let us pray, instead, that I have my act together for class this afternoon. It'll be a trip.

I'm tired and I'm a bit beat, but I'm so proud of some incredible people. People are doing amazing things right now, for themselves, personally. I'm amazed, grateful and proud.

Onward.

You ever..

You ever ask for something, and then immediately start to regret it.

Or wonder if it was the right choice. It seems so much like the right choice some hours ago.

I've asked to not receive some awesomeness.

All I want to do is cry again.

Fuck.

I'll blog about happy things again soon, but right now I'm just all a sensitive mess.

Onward.

It caught up with me

I think everything finally caught up with me.

I watch my schedule like a hawk - - check, recheck. Admire it's ship-shap-ed-ness.

However, I didn't recheck the call time of a show that's returning this weekend. I thought my call was 6 p.m.: guess what started at 4:30 p.m.? Guess what I completely missed?

Thank god for awesome stage managers, and amazing ladies willing to step in at a moment's notice.

I try to load my schedule to the brim when work is available. If I miss something, yes, there is free time, but I'm not making money (and I build a flaky reputation. I don't want that any more of that than what comes naturally.) My schedule, like everyone else's, depends on being where you're supposed to be. The first part of success is showing up.

When the somewhat rare occasion happens that I actually miss something, I feel like a failure on so many levels. And it shows that I have been a 'failure' over so many weeks. Emails, attachments, every sort of reminder was there, sent happily to my inbox door. But I thought I had it right.

It sucks when, sometimes, you can't even trust yourself.

So stupid. Really brain dead dumb. Can't make excuses, gotta get with it.

Hoping that I'm haven't actually secretly busted brain cells, that make this sort of mistake possible. (I haven't been partaking in much behavior that would actually do that. Unless, it's been my impressive intake of almonds and water. I now drink a lot of water. I also eat a lot of almonds. I also try to call my mom on a regular basis. I am very boring.)

Perhaps my cat has added something to the air filter. Maybe my house is making me dumb. See where this line of thinking takes us?

Maybe I should just ACTUALLY double-check my calendar, be skeptical of everything I put down there, breathe, and move on.

Everything worked out tonight. The show went on: I'm very lucky.

Onward.

It's just those days..

(I really like this picture. Like really really. Heh. The most adorable and awkward Midsummer's ever. ARRRRRT!!!)

I've spent the last three hours in admin mode. An email here, a touch there, a keeping up.. Then I dusted my front room carpet. Nothing's finished, nothing's done, everything's up in the air.

Cool thing: I'm going to the gym, where I'm going to finish memorizing a certain "Lost in Science" script.. Excellent!

Cool thing: Was lucky enough to be a part of a Shakespeare workshop yesterday. I now know that perfect amount of information: I am now certainly dangerous.

I loved the workshop. It was basically how to attack a script and, per the Globe, a stage. And each passage was like what I would daydream an archeological site/puzzle to be.. this means this, and this is a reference to this, and how do you say that, and check the meter, and what does the meter mean, and oohhhh! Plus ACTING!!! And gods and goddesses and kings and faeries and love and lots of blood and ACTING!

The gentleman (Eight years at the Globe! Really!) mentioned that he believes that how theater is done now'a'days is very alienating (which is why Hamlet said "we'll hear a play", but now, instead, we got to "see" them - - there's no more listening on either side. The audience has little stake in what's in front of them.) And this shot my brain into a big ole improv/interactive theater buzz. Why do people come and see interactive theater/improv? I do not know, but both art forms, at times, can be the opposite of alienation. Neither cannot exist in a audience-less vacuum: we are audience dependent (at most times.. certainly not at all times).

Interactive Theater, the American cheese of the art world, may be the future of theater! Improv, the daydream of the art world, will guide us and give us penguins! Active art making! Neat!

Smarter people will say it better. At least, less distracted people than I am today.

Then, I went to an audition (which included material which is almost exactly the opposite of what I'm blabbing about, but was super fun anyway).

I need to get up and go. And vacuum the front room. And get out of the house. But yet, stay in the house and do all the crap I should do. URRRGH. Let's just go, shall we.

Onward.

More than monthly..

Well.. trying.

How to eat oatmeal: With almonds and raisins and brown sugar. If you drop about a 1/4 cup of brown sugar into your oatmeal on accident, accept that it was meant to be. Drink with strong coffee if possible. Give to dog afterwards.

How to keep warm: wear lots and lots of layers. Feel exhausted as you're always covered by 20 pounds of depression.

How to watch PRIMEVAL! (Instantly Watchable on the Netflix): Recently started watching "Primeval", which, like much of British SciFi, is delightful, cheesy, and improbable. With DINOSAURS! (and some classy old horror-movie type movie tricks. And lots of Willhelms)

Anywhoo, a "time rift" has opened in Scotland.. London.. whichever. "Time rift".

Luckily, Scotland/London has a slightly sardonic and hardworn handsome paleontologist, along with his assistant, who is "not gay". (The subtext is waayyyyy better if Stephen loves Professor Nick). The rest of this hardscrabble team is made up of a geek and a pretty punk-ish girl. Everyone wears alot of H & M. They're constantly berated by beurocrats. And then there's a swat team. Was this written for 13 year old boys? YES!

Let's put this into the context of a drinking game:

a) Take a drink anytime the cute smart punk girl is seen in her underwear
b) Take a drink anytime Stephen looks to Nick for guidance.. but in a heartfelt way
c) Take a drink anytime the beaurocrat gives Nick a hard time, but then relents
d) Take a drink anytime Captain Tom Ryan goes in with his swat team to GET SHIT DONE!
e) Take a drink anytime the geek does something that actually works
f) Take a drink every time a crush is unrequited
g) Finish the bottle every time a crush is requited, but then is made impossible.

See? Nice clear archetypes. Perfect soap opery British fare. All of this, AND DINOSAURS!?!!!!

Pretty good looking dinosaurs too, in that new-fangled-shiny-British-BBC sort of way.

"Slings and Arrows" it ain't, but it is silly fun.

(I could possibly subsist on a media diet of Venture Bros., Flight of the Conchords, Slings and Arrows, Anthony Bourdain and now.. erm.. Primeval. *sigh* Thank you, Canadians. Thank you, Kiwis. Thank you, New Yorkers. I love you all.)

This has been a remarkably indulgent and not-personal-at-all blog. Erm. Along those lines, I also actually read a book too. "The Graveyard Book", which is possibly the best damn book I have read in years. Thanks, Neil. :)

"We Gotta Bingo" bings for another weekend (with a possible comeback in March? Who knows.. Minnesotans might really need to bingo more.) It's been lovely fun, with the best cast in the world. And the best band in the world. (This weekend, I got to dance with a 4 year old girl who told me, quite seriously, "I know how to really rock and roll." Yes, you do, Clementine. Awesome.) Improv A Go Go doesn't come back for a couple of weeks, but there's plenty to do in the meantime.

Hoping things are good.

Onward.

IT BEGINS!! A list..

Yes. The January we all knew was coming. It should be fun. Let's do this!

a) Six Ring Circus begins again! (good god, there's a myspace page) Students and graduates of the Brave New Institute perform improv for a nominal donation.. it's awesome.

The team I coach, Dr. Rocket, just gained three more members. This team's collective I.Q. is intimidating. Thankfully, they use their powers for good. They're up tonight at 7:30 p.m., at the Brave New Workshop! $1 donation! w00t!

b) We Gotta Bingo opened last weekend, and got a really nice review. Thursdays - Sundays at Hennepin Stages, through February 6th! W00t!

c) OMG! This Friday ONLY at the Mixed Blood Theatre, 11 p.m., $5 - - lovely improv ladies recount awkward stories of their adolescence. It's brilliant.

d) Improv A Go Go this Sunday at the Brave New Workshop, 8 p.m., $1 - - Explorer's Club returns!! Along with the mysterious Snakes & Cakes.. All of which makes me giddy.

e) If you're at the MOA, myself and co-worker Rebecca will be performing at 12noon, Saturday - Monday, as part of their eCommunity event. We will be dressed like caffeinated water droplets, as that's basically what we are.

If you're a performer in the Twin Cities, you will probably end up performing at least once at the MOA. As Mr. Doughty says, 'we're all going to Reseda'. The MOA might be my Reseda.

BUT, it's an adorable show (directed by the awesome Shanan Custer, no less), and we will teach you about the hydrologic cycle. See?

.. and then we'll go to Nordstrom's Rack. Just cuz.

f) I start teaching again. Yea!!!! It's the sum total of 6 hours of my week, but it's what carries the most weight for me. It requires the most preparation, and also the most fuck-it-all. It feels like going to war. But a really silly war. Perhaps just a police action. I'm excited. Wish us all luck.

Also...

I can't make it, but you should go... My bf is performing at Rick Bronson's House of Comedy at the MOA, tonight at 8 p.m.. Auditioning for the Montreal Just For Laughs Festival. THIS IS SO COOL. And the comics involved are just plain, stupidly awesome.

Come out Tuesday Jan 12 and see 12 professional comedians audition for a spot on the biggest and most influential comedy festival in the world: The Montreal Just For Laughs Festival. Show starts at 8pm. Each comic is doing six minutes of time. Please come out and support the Twin Cities scene and laugh your ass off.

Hosted by Rudy Pavich and featuring special guest John Conroy. Here are the comics who will be performing for a spot in order:

Gabe Noah
Jamie Blanchard
Dwight York
Maggie Faris
Mike Brody
Bill Young
Steve Gillespie
Kjell Bjorgen
Patrick Bauer
Tommy Thompson
Chris Maddock
Jessi Campbell

Madness! Really cool stuff, honestly. I feel like I've been typing in exclamation marks for the entirety of this blog.

Final cool things:

a) Streamable MS3TK on netflix.

b) Streamable Anthony Bourdain on netflix.

c) The Cleveland Show is still funny (and on hulu).

d) If your pasta dish tastes boring, add salt and bake it.

e) Clementines are in season.

Hoping your Tuesday is lovely! (I have 4 minutes to shower)

Onward.

That image made me very happy.

But not prefacing it just made it jerky. So sorry!

So to temper this, I am including a posting from "The Daily Puppy". It's very important.

His name is Darwin, and he's "quite the little social director whenever in a group of other puppies."

There. I feel better. Good morning!

Onward.

heh. :)

Bad kid!! Bad kid me!!

Ohhhhhh. I've gotten back into the once-a-month posting habit. Which, as we know, is bullcocky. But thank you lovely people!! For reading and things!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Sending hugs at you right now, wherever you are!!

My mom was in town. For nearly a week. (Given the xmas snow beating we took, she waited until routes were pronounced clear by the weather gods. Or at least pronounced non-apocalyptical. Which is fun to say.) I had taken the week off around xmas to hang out with her. For better or worse, she arrived as my schedule was kicking in again. Ah well..

The time she spent was wonderful and so generous of her!! It is also the interruption of quasi-normal routines, and acknowledging that I spent all of 30 minutes of the week alone. (During that time, I tried a exercise routine off of the hulu.com. This is what might do, if you are 34.)

What we did:

- Take Your Mom to Work Day! Luckily, I work in a museum, so there is much to see, and many nice people to show your mom off to. The steps to showing off your mom involve:

a) "Hey, this is my mom!!"

b) Everyone says nice things.

Win!!

- Snack! We destroyed boxes of Triscuits. I could not be happier. We did not snackrifice.

- Wallpapered the kitchen ceiling. There is nothing more terrifying than taking a wet, sticky patterned yard of paper, and matching it to another wet, sticky patterned yard of paper - - above your head. Why?! Neither of us wallpaper -- Neither of us were raised that way*!

But it's done. The kitchen ceiling looks lovely. We didn't swear that much. We faced our fears. It was the hero cycle over and over.

- She came and saw "We Gotta Bingo** ***". Which was so awesome of her. (and Sue and P-Bau!! Thank you!!) No one should have to experience interactive theater unless they really really want to. I don't know if any of them really really wanted to, but they did it!! Thank you!!!

And now she's safely back in Sux City. Merrr..

Things I'd like for 2010:

- Gotta see family more. I don't have that much family. This should not be that big of a deal. Mom needs to be seen at least once a season. I need to get down to AZ to visit my sis. Or, better yet, meet them someplace fun. Which brings us to...

- Keep the travel bug alive. It's so easy to get caught in schedules - - make the time, save the money, make it happen.

- Listen to more classical music. Oh man. I technically have a degree in music. The last twelve years of my life have been orchestra-free (which the previous ten years of my life involved a lot of youth symphony. And college symphony. And pit orchestras. I caught the youtube clip of Amanda Palmer playing Tchaikovsky.. I know this piece. I've accompanied this piece. It's big and show off-y. And lovely.)

So, yes. More classical music. Maybe start with the easy stuff - - which is Dvorak and Copeland for me. Big, gorgeous, melodic picturesque shit - - with lost of brass. And then move into the brainier stuff. A woodwind quartet (which sometimes sound like really talented ducks). A stuff-up-your-shirt minuet. I can feel that this may be like going to the gym.. but I'll feel really good afterwards, honestly.

- Blog more. More blogging makes for better blogs.

Speaking of, this one is running long. And blabby. Happy January thaw, lovely people!

Last note: I dreamt last night that I died. And as they were throwing the dirt on my face, I was just trying to convince myself to let go, and I couldn't. Macabre dream #256.

Onward.

*Honestly. I was raised warned about the terrors of wallpaper. It's a bitch to take off. It's there forever. It's not worth the effort. I was similarly warned about democrats and ear-piercing.. and non-land-grand universities.

**"We Gotta Bingo" is open until the first weekend of February! W00t! This weekend was our opening weekend - - we're all exhausted. A four show weekend is awesome. A four show weekend following a week of rehearsals (plus real life) is tuckering.

*** I love being part of a cast which is mostly over 30. We do our job, we have fun, we support each other, we maybe go out for a drink afterwards, we have kids, we have jobs, we go home. There's a normalcy to it and to this group of people. Even if we play dress up. So very lucky.

What can you say..

I need to get up and create a driveway. But..

- Hot Yoga again! This time I dressed appropriately, brought water, and survived! Perhaps not the mindblowing experience of last time, but delicious!

- Tried Yoga Sculpt. It was a poor decision, although I may go again. (pleasepleaseplease let not the 23 year old yoga instructor think that the classics station is perfect background for body rock. Jon Bon Jovi, unless drunkenly sung at a wedding, is nasty.)

- "Yoga Sculpt" handed my ass to me. Ow.

- This studio (I feel like a tool saying studio) is not about happy-making yoga. This is get-fit-and-talk-about-your-abs yoga. I like the exercise, but miss the happy-making yoga. I will go on search for happy-making yoga. Until then, my "abs" feel super special.

- It's such a weird mix of people. There's people who look like me, then there's suburban housewives, there's generally two business men, and then there's people who are probably fire dancers and models in their real life. (The firedancers and models come to class in dreads, earrings and little else. Amongst the suburban housewives dressed in Calvin Klein yoga gear. Fascinating!)

Beyond that...

- I've gone to some auditions, I've taught, I've worked, I've seen some lovely people..

- Spiked opened! Delightful! Again, secret code of "Santa" gets you discounted tickets, yes. :)

- I've been basically circling. Not really getting anything done - - just maintaining. My house is basically clean (even if it needs repair), my laundry is kinda clean (it's folded!), the dishes are kinda clean, the pets are basically healthy (gotta dope Pickles' ears).. Maintain maintain. Anything new or created? Not so much. ... Except for my 2009 Xmas mix, which doesn't really count. If you would like a copy, I will be sharing with you as soon as I see you in real life.

Time to shower and freeze..

Onward!

People seem happy

People seem happy at the museum today. That's nice. I forget that people, when they come to a museum, are generally happy to be there. It's a break in their routine. That's nice.

Things:

- Diego (as in "Go, Diego, Go") is teaching our children ("our" children? What a jerky thing to say. Presumptive.) ...things. I do a short show about Bears at the Museum. I've had at least two under-five kids get all up about the Spectacled Bear (the only bear in South America).

a) Spectacled? That's just damned hard to say.

b) What person over 30 has heard of the Spectacled Bear?

c) Chupacabra-Diego-mash-ups are inevitable.

- We went to Java Train yesterday. It was actually really lovely.

a) It's.. train themed. Trains and silos.

b) They have a train for your children to play in. When children play in a train, they scream a lot. Much like hobos would.

c) You can get hot dogs, mac n' cheese and ice cream at Java Train. ALL AT THE SAME TIME!! Hoboriffic!

- Back to tech rehearsal tonight! Er.. Dress rehearsal. Since I'm pattering in three's..

a) The music is beautiful! That Dennis knows how to arrange a song!

b) The sketches are funny! That Jim! That Josh Will! That Racheal! Delightful!

c) Pickles might have a part in it. (Pickles is my tiny dog with a bum leg.)

Pickles says promo code "Santa" for tix! And check out our calendar, to see what fancy guest star will make a fancy cameo appearance! (This Sunday, Ferrari McSpeedy!!)

Spiked.

Onward.

Tut tut...

Yesterday was a grease'plosion! A delicious delicious grease'spolision. Along the lines of "hey, 23 year old, wanna live? Like really really live!? Let's do this!"

To show you how serious we were, for a tiny dinner, we shared some poutine at Duplex.

And you're thinking, Jen, that looks disgusting. To which I would answer:

a) yes. It is. It's french fries, fresh cheese curds and gravy.

b) Canadians love it!

c) If you order it at Duplex, it looks all sexy n' stuff, honest.

Just a little half order. To justify, you can say, well.. it's like you ordered fries, and then a cheese and gravy sandwich. Somehow, that makes it better.

And, then, around 10 p.m., we made scotch eggs.

Egads! A scotch egg is a hardboiled egg, wrapped in sausage, breaded, then fried. We did it all homemade..

a) Fairly easy to make!

b) It's super comforting food! Like if breakfast came in baseball-sized portions.

c) Yeah...

Today, it's all oatmeal and apples and seaweed and slaps in the face. Promise. Yesterday, truly, was epic.

Saturday was a trip to Duluth! Unless you work in the service industry, people move a bit slower in Duluth.

a) Hi lake! Except when you swallow people, I likes ya!

b) Got up to do a couple of guest sets. Yes. I am trying stand up. I have some jokes. I need to write more.

c) I improved! Second guest set went fairly well. First guest set, I heard the drunk guy on stage left whisper "transsexual". What? Fine.

d) Met one of the most terrifying people. A very very drunk 23-ish year old 6'4" blonde tattoo'd infant of a man with military training. Who wanted to tell the stand ups how awesome they were by yelling and slapping them hard on the shoulder. And then getting horrifyingly quiet for about 30 seconds. Jesus.

We ate breakfast at Uncle Louis' and headed home. (Some guy wanted to win the "Hey I'm gregarious game!" here. Super jovial, his whole family basically surrounding me, but got almost offended when I tried to talk back. Let's play the gregarious game! Nope, it's a one man show. Sorry.. jerk.)

Ended up hosting Sunday Funday Double Team at the Spring Street, which was fun, until I was reminded about that whole not-being-23 thing again.

Note: If you do stand up, people might want to buy you shots. They think it's fun. It's really not. Really really not. Please eat some seaweed.

Happy Wednesday, friends! :)

Onward.

It's a little bit funny.. this feeling inside..

- I have a new tire. Thanks, Tires Tires Tires.

- Some gentleman who wasn't quite right decided to show everyone (including my mom) in the waiting room why men like Dodge products, as the Dodge Ram logo looks like fallopian tubes.

- To South Dakota! Grandpa looks awesome. Pam got a sassy new haircut. We ate a plate of beige. I've blogged about Tobie's before!!

- We drive back from SD through NE to IA. Rolly pretty. Mom points out where another horrible massacre happened. (That particular account linked is from 1896 and is wincingly horrible and racist. And the accounts that actually happened are also absolutely horrible.)

- Despite the horrible things that happened so close, NE Nebraska/NW Iowa is filled with some of the nicest people in the world. Eye contact and hellos from strangers! Dreamy!

- We get home and a lovely friend stops by! Yeaa!!

I don't wanna go. It's starting to hang in. This was too short. I miss my family. It's nice to be all together again.

"Pushing Daisies" really is a lovely show.

Onward.

P.S. Soon to come, a breakdown of Venture Bros. females! How all of the women who will actually have sex with the male characters must have one horrible, possibly disfiguring flaw (low creepy voice, invisible outer layer of skin) while the one actually possibly physically perfect woman (Molatav Cocktease) won't. What does it mean?? (NOTHING!) You're welcome.

Onward.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Quick little notes before getting back to SUX family mom time:

- Up was a beautiful, loving, funny, cautionary tale about obsession.

- I loved it, and laughed and cried much.

- Finished off, with mom, that bottle of 2002 Beringer White Cabernet Sauvignon from the basement.

- Did the aging process help it? What was originally supposed to taste like? I'm assuming apple juice.

- Should a cab be white? No! It was a very racist pink bottle of wine.

- I have the slighted, pink-colored headache this morning.

It's good to be back in the familiar. I am thanksful for blue skies and couches, and to just having family and for the family themselves. To house and home and shelter, clean air and water and the good things that come from them. To puppy dogs and kitty cats. To the people, who aren't here, whom I'm lucky enough to know and love. Which includes you - - THANK YOU!! Sending love your way. I am blessed and thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving... :)

Onward.

Am I doing this wrong?

There's moments, such as last night, such as this morning, that I get stuck and sad. And right now, that brand of stuckness is "am I doing this wrong? I might be bad at life. This sucks. I'm sad."

I don't feel like counting blessings. I feel like wallowing in this for a while.

I will count my blessings. I just don't feel like it right now.

Before jumping into the pile of Fuck-it-All, let's check on our weekly horoscope..

I agree with football coach Lou Holtz, who said, "The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood." It's possible to work around this difficulty, however. What you have to do, before you unleash your levity, is conjure up empathy for the sourpuss in question. You should also make sure that your intention is not to mock or poke at the person, but instead offer a potential escape from his or her locked energy. By my calculations, you could be an expert at this kind of psychic judo right now. For best results, practice on yourself. Whenever you're headed toward a negative thought or emotion, nudge yourself away with a jest or wisecrack.

:( .. I will get on that. As soon as I'm able. I promise.

a) Dr. Rocket had one of their best damn set at Six Ring Circus last night. Goddamn. I greedily want them to submit for TCIF and IAGG and all that goodness. That little light of their's, I wanna watch it shine for a very long time. Go, gentlemen, go.

b) I've started Christmassing. I do like Christmassing. Certain things are being purchased. I hope certain people like them.

c) I didn't get the part that I had second callback for. My response to this is mostly "Aw, that's okay." I wanted it, but I didn't really expect to get it. Just proud to get second callbacked.

d) A poorly done haiku:

I'm jumping into

My Kia. It needs an oil

Change. Such is life, yes?

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your's.

Onward.